Life had been, still is a little, stressful lately. Finances aren’t the greatest since losing my job back in August and it feels like it is just catching up with us. I feel very blessed to have the mom that I have, because she has been helping us out here and there, without us even asking her to. She’s a stubborn little woman, and she just basically does what she wants. I love my mom so much and am truly thankful for her. With that said, getting the help, in a way, makes me feel like crap-o-la. Why? I’m 34 years old, I should be able to handle this on my own. Not being able to fully take care of my family kills me. It chomps slowly away at me. I know that it’s not truly my fault. It’s not easy living off of one income. I have looked for work from home jobs, but nothing seems to be coming up.
Last week, I had a melt down. One that I’m not very proud of.
It was one of those days where everything seems to be going wrong. One thing after another frayed away at that one last nerve (one I didn’t know I still had. Thought I lost those long ago.) and by the end of the day, I was about done. My husband was at school that night, and it was just me and my girl. She wasn’t listening to me, and just being her high strung self. Right before I went to go take my shower, she knocked over a full glass of water on the carpet in the living room. That last nerve, by this point, was completely gone. I flashed. I’m not proud of it. I try not to yell at her, but with everything going on I released that loud voice, behind it all of my stresses of everything being built up. She cried and ran to her room. Immediately the enormous feeling of guilt took over me. What did I just do to my baby? She did nothing wrong. I was the one that was wrong.
I collected myself and walked into her room. She was sitting on her bed, big crocodile tears streaming down her face. All I could do was go give her a big and apologize for yelling at her. I told her that, yes, she did make me a little mad, but it was everything else going on that made me yell the way I did. Both of us, crying, she says to me, “it’s okay mom. I haven’t been very good for you today.” She melts my heart daily. I promised that I wouldn’t do that again to her and that mommy may, time to time, put herself on a time out to cool down. Hugs and kisses were given.
Being a working mom is tough. Being a stay at home mom is tough. Being a mom is just tough, period, sometimes.
My little munchkin and me at the Mover Concert last weekend. Ignore the date, it’s wrong. Love this little one more than I can express.
Writing Prompt for Mama Kat’s Losin’ It
The Last Time You Apologized to Someone For…