I’ve always wanted to be a mommy. Like every little girl, I had my baby dolls and cared for them as if they were real. “Changed” their diapers, “fed” them, put them “to bed”, you know, the normal child like stuff.
That feeling never changed as I got older. So when I finally met my now husband and we began trying to have a family, it became upsetting that this dream was not turning into reality. After 2 years of trying, I finally built up the courage to go to a fertility specialist (after my “normal” doctors were of no help to me). I came to find out that the reason I wasn’t getting pregnant was because of me. Now to any woman, no matter who you are, when hearing that there is something wrong with “you” and that “you” were the problem as to why “you” can’t get pregnant it’s absolutely devastating. Of course I spiraled into a little bit of depression, feeling as if I was broken, but luckily there was treatment I could go through to help.
My issue was that I have over 20 cysts on each ovary. When I saw the ultrasound I was shocked at the picture. It was like seeing a gang of angry circles closing in on my innocent little ovaries. And because of these evil, dark cysts I didn’t ovulate, which in laymen terms means no ovulate no pregnant.
So through endless blood tests (which I am hugely needle-phobic so obviously this was some awesome, amazing fun times for me) and a few hormone shots in the stomach (yeah, more of that awesome fun time) I finally became pregnant at the beginning of 2009.
My daughter decided that she didn’t want to move into the “correct position” so she stayed breached the entire time, forcing me to have a C-section. (I should have known then how stubborn she was going to turn out to be)
The day she arrived was the BEST day of my life and also the scariest. What do I do with this thing? She is so small and helpless, what if I break her? And after 5 days of being in the hospital (her temperature kept dropping) I was finally able to bring my darling baby girl home. I literally broke down crying when I pulled into my driveway. What if I can’t do this? What if I’m a horrible mother and I seriously scar my child for LIFE!!!!!
I laugh at myself now. Sure, I still don’t really know what the heck I am doing. I’m just making it up as I go along, with advise from my friends and of course my mother who has been through it all. Now that my kid is 3 I feel as if my hair is graying a lot faster than it should. Seriously, there are new hairs EVERY DAY!!!! Not cool universe, not cool. I am only 33 for Gods sake!
I don’t care what people say, 3 is a really difficult, frustrating age. I really feel as if I woke up one morning and all of a sudden I have a 13 year old living in my house. It’s not just “NO” to everything. It is a demanding “NO” with actual thought up reasoning behind it. A full on argument if you will. WTH!!! I was not prepared for this so soon. I really thought the whole mom/daughter butt heads things was way way way down the line.
For example, tonight I fixed mexican food for dinner. I asked my kid “would you like a cheese quesadilla?” She looks at me with a disgusted look and says “Um, NO. I want a burrito”. Ok, burrito. “What kind of burrito” I ask trying not to get irritated. “Just cheese in it, that’s all” Come On! Isn’t that basically a quesadilla?!? So I made it anyway (the quesadilla). She threw the BIGGEST fit because it wasn’t a burrito and refused to eat it. I tried to be a smartass and roll it up like a burrito, but the little sucker still wouldn’t eat it and then proceeded to back talk me with the head shaking, rolling of the eyes and smart little lip. Pre-teen 101 she has down. All she has to do is learn how to snap her fingers and she’s got it all down. It’s so angering, they can’t do that. So what do you do when the time outs don’t work, taking things away doesn’t work and calmly talking just creates more friction? I have absolutely no idea, but I guess I will just learn as I go.
Well, that is a little bit about my mommy-hood life at the moment and I hope through this blog I can share humorous insights into my life as a first time mom.