So I am working from home today. I’m in my little office (which also serves as the cats litter box room) when Em comes in wanting me to hug her. I don’t have a problem with that, in fact, it is one of my most favorite things to do. So she jumps into my lap and gives me a big hug. Then she says to me:
Em: “Mommy do you have to work today?”
Me: “Yes love, I have to do my work.”
Em: “But why?” (starting to whine a little)
Me: “Because mommy doesn’t have much of a choice.” (which is the honest truth)
Em: (seemingly squeezing me tighter with her head nestled into my neck) “But I don’t want you to work anymore.”
Me: “I’m sorry honey, but I have to”
Angry about my reply, she swiftly swung behind me, cramming herself between me and the back of the rolling chair, puts both hands up the back of my shirt and claws her way down my back. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, she takes her legs and pushes me out of the chair. (she may be 3 1/2 but she is freakishly strong)
Now, this isn’t the first time anger like this has come out because mommy has to work. In fact, there is some sort of aggression towards me about working every single day. If she is up before I leave for work, she clings and cries until I break free to the door to leave, usually resulting in me crying half way to work. When I come home at the end of a long day, she is super sweet and good for about 1-2 hours and then she is just mean to me all over again for no reason. So what I am suppose to do?
My mom was a stay at home mom, so I didn’t have any of these issues nor did she. Unfortunately, due to the times, lots of moms have to work. If I didn’t work we wouldn’t have the money to pay mortgage. There is no way we as a family can survive off my husband’s salary, especially since I essentially am the “money maker” of the home. (which believe me doesn’t say a whole lot)
When my daughter starts acting the way she does, of course she goes in a time out, but I also put myself into this Guilt Time Out. I feel bad that I can’t stay at home with her all day like she wants. Sometimes it really makes me feel like I am a horrible mom. I know in reality that this isn’t true and that by me working I am doing what I can to make sure she has a roof over her head, food on the table and clothes on her back. Still, I let that guilt consume me. I love my little girl so much and I wish that money just grew on trees and that I could stay at home with her everyday.