On Tuesday the 2 week countdown will begin. My little one and only will be starting Preschool. Cue the flash flood of tears and the crazy rocking back and forth. Wasn’t I just in the Walnut Creek Kaiser preparing for a C-section? Oh, wait…that was almost 4 years ago. How in the hell did this happen? Why did time suddenly decide to speed up? It feels like the world is spinning out of control and all I can do is throw my arms out into the air and desperately grasp onto anything I can and hold on tight. Even as I type this I am fighting back the tears.

As a first time mom, even though I’m sure I’d be the same if it was my 30th, the fear of someone else being responsible for my child is frightening to me. She has only ever been left with family. In 2 weeks people I don’t even know will be with my little girl from 8-11:45. I am totally going to be one of those moms the first few weeks (possibly more cuz I’m crazy) having someone from the office run down to the classroom to give me a report as to how she is doing. Does she really have to go? Home schooling isn’t that bad, right?

What makes my anxiety even worse is that I am no longer able to work from home a few days a week, which means I can’t take my baby to school or pick her up. This is like a knife straight into my heart. I was really looking forward to at least picking her up into my arms when class ended and having discussions as to how her day was.

You would think this whole process would get easier as they got older, but I have been made aware by my lovely Twitter Mama friends that this is not the case. What the heck? I gotta go through this gut wrenching torment EVERY year?!?

I know this is good for her and she is probably going to have a great time. Just don’t mind me, I’ll be curled up on her bed with her little stuffed doggy for the next month (at least).