They said it probably wouldn’t happen again. They said my body would “learn” and “remember” the next time. 

Does somebody want to relay that information to my body because I don’t think it got the first memo.

My very first blog post I spoke about struggling with infertility before the birth of my daughter. Now, granted, I didn’t have to go through IVF like a friend of mine and once the problem was identified it only took a few doses of shots and medications to become pregnant. I was also 28 at the time, which the doctors also said helped achieve fertility success. I remember them saying after 30 it may be more difficult. I’m 33 now, will be turning 34 in March. With no LH surge for months, my fear is becoming more of a reality.

Admitting that you are “broken” is a hard thing to accept, even if you have been through it before. It doesn’t get any easier, in fact in a way it makes it, at least for me, a little more difficult. Maybe it’s because I had high hopes that I would be miraculously “cured” and I could just pop out my next kid easy peasy. I am a Pisces, that makes me a dreamer, and man have I dreamed. 

I wrote my doctor today and am currently waiting for a reply. Deep breaths right? Since I am unemployed at the moment, I am not sure how we are going to afford treatments, it’s not exactly inexpensive. My husband and I looked into his insurance plan and it pays 50% of “select” infertility diagnoses. Select? Seriously? How about I “select” which co-pays I will pay.

I can feel the anxiety and fear rising inside me. It’s nice to know that I have friends (old and new) that are there if I want to talk and vent. Just because of that it makes the thought of this whole exhausting process a little easier. 

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