So, yeah, today is my 34th birthday. In all honesty, blah. It’s kinda sad, but I’ve felt this way about my “big” day ever since my Nanie passed. If you haven’t read my blog posts before, I considered my Nanie (my mom’s mom) as a 2nd mom. She was always there for me. I use to spend as much time with her as I did at my own house. When she passed in September of 2006, it felt as if a huge void was left in my heart. Ever since that time, I haven’t really wanted to do all that much when it comes to my birthday. I know, I sound like a sad, depressed little person right now. Really, I’m not usually like this, at least not on any other day.
I sat down in a quiet corner today, just to really reflect on everything, and I realized that maybe I feel this way every year, feel it so deeply, is that I live in my Nanie’s house. After she passed, my mom sold my husband and I the home. It really is a blessing because we would have never been able to afford an actual home, at least not in this area. Living in this home, it is filled with so many memories. Like I said, I’ve spent half my own childhood and early adulthood life in this house. In fact, we spent every birthday here.
So today, I am making a change. No more depressing, saddened birthdays. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss my Nanie and I am reminded of her all the time, but even though she is gone, I’m still here. I have a beautiful daughter who is amazing, funny and full of life. I have a husband that tries his best to make me happy on this day, which I haven’t been really receptive of. Sorry hubs. I had an AMAZING day yesterday with my little family and saw my little girl’s dream come true. Met some truly humble and genuine individuals whom I have a new respect for. I’m working on my book, which should be finished before the end of the year. There is plenty to be happy and thankful about. Yes, the past year has been a little tough, but as they say, God only gives you what you can handle. He obviously has more faith in me than I have had in myself.
I am determined to make 34 a good one!