Today was the first day of school for my little girl. She is now a transitional kindergartner. How terrifying is that? You don’t realize how fast time really goes until you hit those major milestones. It really feels like just yesterday I was holding that fragile, little baby girl in my arms. It also makes me realize how I take our time together for granted sometimes. Now more than ever since I returned to work. Yes, the work portion is very part time, but still it makes a difference when you are a SAHM for a year. Now, I am an overly emotional person. I wear my heart right out there on my sleeve. But really, after watching her walk off into her classroom, it really does feel like a sort of emptiness in my heart that I really can’t describe.
My daughter also showed these same type of emotions the night before I returned to work. She cried for almost 2 hours and all I could really understand between her sobs were, “Mama, please don’t go!” I tried not to cry with her, especially while I could feel my heart breaking. Trying to explain the whole situation as to why you needed to go back to work is never easy, especially to a 4 year old that doesn’t completely understand. All she hears is that mommy won’t be home all the time with her anymore. At least, for the time being, I will be working while she is in school. I will be able to drop her off and pick her up. So hopefully, this works out so that she won’t even really notice I’m gone.
Sure we butt heads, A LOT, when we are together all day every day, but I guess that’s what moms and daughters do. She is a strong willed kid, nothing like what I was like when I was her age, so I have a difficult time trying to parent a child that is the opposite of me. I did, however, marry a strong willed man, so you would think I would be use to the characteristics after 10 years. I guess it’s different being married to one and having to parent one. All a learning process.
The plus side to having a strong willed kiddo, is that she was big and brave as she walked into her classroom. All smiles and waving to mom and dad saying “Bye!” I couldn’t be more proud of her. Me, on the other hand, cried like a baby all the way back to my car and then some. She was in preschool last year, so you would think this drop off would be easier. Nope. Like I said, I’m an emotional person. Leaving my baby with others, whom I don’t know, isn’t easy for me. There’s kind of a big difference between private (which is where she was last year) and public (where she is now) schools. It’s just a different environment. I’m not saying one is better than the other. I went to public school and I turned out okay, or at least I’d like to think so. The important thing to remember is that no matter what school she goes to, the teachers are there to protect her. The world, now, is a scary place and I just have to put my faith in those individuals that she will be with every day that they will keep her safe.
So, as I watch my little walk off into her 2nd year of school and impatiently wait for her to get out, a little piece of my heart will be missing. They grow so quickly.
The other day, my daughter and I we browsing online for Halloween costumes. Yes, Halloween costumes! It will be here in about 2 months! Crazy, right? Anyway, we got side tracked somehow and began looking at toys on Zulily. Now, the toys I am about to show you are the oddest things I have ever seen and I’m still trying to figure out what kind of kid would be compelled enough to say, “Hey, Mom and Dad! Have you seen this? I really WANT this toy!”
With that being said, here are some of the plush toys made by GIANTmicrobes. Enjoy…
I don’t know about you, but I’m sure ever kid wants a giant sized dust mite. Not only could your kid be sleeping with these little suckers in their bed (literally), but now they can cuddle them all they want!
What about a flea? Yes, that’s right, you can snuggle these guys, unlike the actual thing that bites you and are difficult to get rid of.
Don’t like creepy crawlies with legs, well then, how about a maggot? Yeah, you read that right. A maggot!
How about a cute little pimple?
Or an ear ache?
Or better yet, the germ that causes a nasty cough?
Still not tickling your fancy? How about the germ that causes the disease loving called “the kissing disease”?
Ooh, ooh…I know! How about everyone’s favorite bug, the flu?
And my personal favorite (not really)…drum roll please…the diarrhea bug! No, that’s not a typo, it’s real. Who in the heck says to themselves, “Ya know, kids today really need to have cuddly toys that the very thought of them turns your stomach.” Can you imagine show and tell at school and someone brings this thing in? Oh, what I wouldn’t give to be a fly on the wall in the classroom that day. Mind you, this is just a very small portion of what this company makes. They also have microbes called cancer and ebola if you are interested.
A little late, but it’s time to do the ever so wonderful link-up, Ketchup With Us, hosted by Mel of According to Mags and Michele of ODNT. There’s only a few link-ups left before Ketchup seals up their bottle, at least for a little while. Hopefully these ladies won’t be on hiatus for too long. This link-up is ALWAYS fun AND it gets me to remember to write. That’s always important, right?
This time around, we were asked to either link-up an old post or write about a “First”. There are many firsts I could easily write about. The first time I learned I was pregnant, the first moment I held my now 4 year old (almost 5) in my arms, even the first time I wrote and directed a screenplay. Instead, I decided to write about a difficult time in my life. A time where I witnessed a family member lose control. The reason I chose to write about this is because, as you all know, recently we lost an incredible man whom I greatly admired. He made me laugh until I was in tears every single time I saw him. Robin Williams was generous and brilliant, but also so terribly tortured inside that he made the decision to take his own life. Depression is a wicked disease and I have seen it take hold of a family member, who attempted to take her own life.
I was about 23 years old, my aunt had been in an out of psych wards dealing with major anxiety and depression. She was recovering from open heart surgery and a mass of other health problems, which I’m sure didn’t help her mental state much. I remember before the horrific event happened, my mom and I had taken her to a doctor in Fremont to try and figure out why she was having debilitating stomach pains. I remember sitting in that cold office chair. My mom at the far end, my aunt in the middle and me next to her. The doctor, who was harsh and rude, said “there is nothing wrong with her”, talking as if my aunt wasn’t even in the room. Fed up with doctor after doctor unable to find anything physically wrong with my aunt, I spoke up and said “if there is nothing wrong with her, then why is she in so much pain?” He pulled his glasses off his face, stared directly at me, and in a cold voice said, “because she is faking it all.” Right then I could feel my whole entire body tense up. How dare he! I’m a pretty calm person and it takes a lot for me to get completely angry to the point where I will speak up and say something and within a matter of five minutes this dude seemed to accomplish that. My voice got loud and my hands tightly clenched around the arms of the chair, “how can you say she is faking this whole thing?!?” To which he replied, “Easy. Attention.” I can’t remember what was said after that, I probably mentally blocked it out because I was so angry. With no emotion, my aunt walked back to the car.
Early morning, close to 3am, my mom gets a phone call from my Nanie. She runs out of the house, gets in her car and leaves. I find out a little later that my aunt had attempted to take her own life. She had taken a pair of dull scissors and slit both of her wrists during the night. Thankfully, she didn’t go deep enough. This was the first time I had ever known anyone to be so sad and broken down inside that they just no longer wanted to be here. I remember seeing her at the psych ward later that day, both wrists bandaged up, soul broken. What do you say to someone in that situation? I had to be sensitive, but at the same time I had so many questions. This was the first time I had sat directly in front of my aunt feeling as if I had let her down. I had spent years taking her in and out of hospitals trying to diagnose her pain (physical mind you), not once did I think about the pain she felt inside. It was the first time I had felt completely defeated. I couldn’t help her. No one could. She never really overcame her depression and subsequently passed away in 2008, in her early 50’s. They say she passed due to mass amounts of health problems, but honestly I’m not sure if that is entirely true. After her passing, my mom and I had gathered her things at the home she was living in. Going through small trinket boxes I discovered lots of her medications hidden. How long was she not taking her heart or diabetic medication? Could this have had a hand in her untimely death? Did she know that this could possibly happen?
We will never really know. I know that she was sad. I know she felt as if she was abandoned. I know that she wanted to be with her dad again. I just hope that now she is at peace with everything. I still feel guilty about what transpired between the two of us and how I wish there was more I could have done for her. In a way, that’s why I wanted to share this story. If this story can help anyone with coming to terms with depression or how to handle someone that you fear may be dealing with depression, then I’m glad I wrote this post. We never really know what is going on on the inside.
Celebrity deaths don’t usually strike me as hard as the most recent one has. Any loss of life is tragic, but for some reason, Robin William’s death has struck a chord in my heart.
Maybe it’s because he is my mom’s age; maybe it’s because, in my own family, depression has dealt a huge role in family members lives and I have seen first hand how strong it can take a hold of individuals. Also, maybe, it’s because yesterday, a small light of my own childhood dimmed. For any reason, he will be missed by many. He left a sheer genius legacy, which no one will ever be able to fill.
He lives around my area and he use to come into my town regularly for biking gear. I never met the man, although I wish I had. I saw a glimpse of him in Reno, Nevada while he was filming the movie Father’s Day with Billy Crystal. He seemed to love people, always interacted with them and that “stand-up” side always seemed to be on.
I remember, back in 1989, my aunt (who suffered from her own demons of depression) was watching my younger brother and I while my mom went with my Nanie to visit my Papa in the hospital. It was late, I didn’t want to sleep, and she was had brought over a VHS tape to watch of Robin William’s stand-up, A Night at the Met, that she had recorded off of HBO. I was only 9 at the time, a little young to be watching that kind of stand-up, but in all honesty, I didn’t get the jokes. I just remember him, all that energy. Bouncing from one end of the stage to the other. Never stopping. His comedy wasn’t just funny, it was much more than that. There was always a spot in his show where he would speak such profound words, something that you could relate to, something that made you think.
To honor this spectacular human being, I just wanted to share some of my favorite movies and quotes from him.
Aladdin (Probably my all time favorite Disney character)
Good Morning, Vietnam (Pretty much a one man 2 hour movie. Brilliant!)
Hook (Who could have dawned a better Peter Pan?)
What Dreams May Come (still gets me to this day)
Dead Poets Society (my favorite movie)
Mork and Mindy
So thank you, sir, for sharing that little spark of madness inside with all of us.
You will be greatly missed. May you find whatever peace you were seeking that you could not find here on earth. Nanoo nanoo, dear sir.
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, please know it is okay to talk. Speak with your family, speak with your friends. It’s a silent demon that does not go away on it’s own.
It’s been almost a year, August 23rd to be completely exact, since I have had a paying job. I have really enjoyed my time at home with my girl. I LOVE being a SAHM, but sadly it can’t remain this way. It’s not easy living off of one income, in fact, I am surprised we have made it this long on one. However, it’s been getting increasingly difficult and without going into too much more debt, the inevitable was bound to happen sooner or later.
Thankfully, I will be working with a familiar face. A former colleague from my last job. She is a great person and I have the utmost respect for her. She balances work and being a mom to two beautiful little girls (and soon will be bringing a 3rd child in to this world) all while making it look easy. I would love to be this balanced and organized.
It seems like good timing and it will be part-time, which is great since my daughter will be starting school part-time everyday in a few weeks. I can’t help but feel nervous and also a little guilty. Sometimes I feel like I took this time at home for granted. Why do some things have to be so difficult? Why does responsibility have to be like a double edged sword sometimes? I wish I had a magic lamp or something. I know what my wishes would be.
If you don’t know, I’ve been fortunate enough to become a contributor to an awesome Mommy site called Typical Mommies. It is chalk full of great resources from fashion to health and beauty to budgeting. It is also a great site for 1st time moms (and dads).
Recently I had the opportunity to interview Scott Durbin of the Imagination Movers (Mover Scott). I feel very excited and blessed that I was able to do this interview and have the opportunity to share their story with others and hopefully pass the word along about their PledgeMusic Campaign.
If you have a moment, please click on the link, read the article and share this with others. Not for my article, but for these fabulous 4 men and their upcoming 9th studio album. Also, a portion of the proceeds goes to the National Down Syndrome Society of which they are spokesmen.
Link Below and enjoy!
It’s just about that time again around here. Kids are winding down their summer vacations and gearing up to start that good ol’ book learning again. This year, my daughter will be entering Transitional Kindergarten! Deep breaths, you can do this, she’ll be 5 in October and she will be entering the public school system. Dear holy book worm, seriously?!? When did she grow-up? Feels like I just had her yesterday; this pissed off, screaming baby that didn’t want to come out of the nice hotel room I provided for her for 9 months. Now she is no longer a toddler, but a kid, beginning her true first year of school. Please allow me a minute to gather my thoughts, and possibly prepare my closet for an upcoming extended stay during that first week.
I know that she has to go. She needs to learn and she needs that social bonding with all those other kids and with adults other than family. There is, however, 5 things I am dreading about the start of a new school year…
1. The mass amounts of germs
Okay, yes, I am a bit of a germ-a-phobe (although my husband would call that an understatement). Can you blame me though considering I get EVER SINGLE COLD, FLU, EVIL SPAWN MUTATION that enters my child’s body or even is just brought home on her clothes. Seriously, not even close to exaggerating, my daughter and I were sick EVERY OTHER WEEK while she was in preschool. This lasted until April! Currently, I have been suffering from some kind of cold that is now on week 3. Double ear infection, worst throat pain I’ve ever had; I’m pretty much done. With Em starting school in 3 weeks I just cringe because I know this is all going to start up again. I wonder if you can buy hazmat suits on e-bay?
2. Copy-cat Attitude
Em already has her own 4 1/2 going on 14 attitude. She is a VERY strong willed little girl. She takes crap from NO ONE, which in some ways is good. I don’t have to worry too much about her getting bullied on the playground. However, she does tend to bring home other forms of this attitude that correlate to some of her classmates. So not a fun time. One attitude is plenty, but dealing with 2 or 3 other spin-offs can peck at a mother’s sanity.
3. Being a late bird
The one thing I liked about her preschool last year was that it was morning classes. When I received the school letter in the mail a few weeks ago, I was informed that she was going to be in an afternoon class. So, this means since she is going to a public elementary school, I will be fighting traffic and parking when I drop her off because of all the parents picking up their early bird kiddos AND dealing with even more traffic when I pick her up because ALL the kids will be getting out at that time. Especially where her school is, there is no parking. This is going to be so much fun.
4. School is now 5 days a week, instead of 2
I got use to her being gone 2 half days a week, but now with her entering the public school system, she will be in school 5. This is that whole growing up thing again that I seem to be not very fond of.
5. I am going to miss her like crazy
Yes, it is only 3 1/2 hours we will be apart, I’m still going to miss her. She’s glued to my side every day and now half that day she will be somewhere else. Yeah, we drive each other nuts, but honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way. She’s my baby and always will be.