Today was the first day of school for my little girl. She is now a transitional kindergartner. How terrifying is that? You don’t realize how fast time really goes until you hit those major milestones. It really feels like just yesterday I was holding that fragile, little baby girl in my arms. It also makes me realize how I take our time together for granted sometimes. Now more than ever since I returned to work. Yes, the work portion is very part time, but still it makes a difference when you are a SAHM for a year. Now, I am an overly emotional person. I wear my heart right out there on my sleeve. But really, after watching her walk off into her classroom, it really does feel like a sort of emptiness in my heart that I really can’t describe.
My daughter also showed these same type of emotions the night before I returned to work. She cried for almost 2 hours and all I could really understand between her sobs were, “Mama, please don’t go!” I tried not to cry with her, especially while I could feel my heart breaking. Trying to explain the whole situation as to why you needed to go back to work is never easy, especially to a 4 year old that doesn’t completely understand. All she hears is that mommy won’t be home all the time with her anymore. At least, for the time being, I will be working while she is in school. I will be able to drop her off and pick her up. So hopefully, this works out so that she won’t even really notice I’m gone.
Sure we butt heads, A LOT, when we are together all day every day, but I guess that’s what moms and daughters do. She is a strong willed kid, nothing like what I was like when I was her age, so I have a difficult time trying to parent a child that is the opposite of me. I did, however, marry a strong willed man, so you would think I would be use to the characteristics after 10 years. I guess it’s different being married to one and having to parent one. All a learning process.
The plus side to having a strong willed kiddo, is that she was big and brave as she walked into her classroom. All smiles and waving to mom and dad saying “Bye!” I couldn’t be more proud of her. Me, on the other hand, cried like a baby all the way back to my car and then some. She was in preschool last year, so you would think this drop off would be easier. Nope. Like I said, I’m an emotional person. Leaving my baby with others, whom I don’t know, isn’t easy for me. There’s kind of a big difference between private (which is where she was last year) and public (where she is now) schools. It’s just a different environment. I’m not saying one is better than the other. I went to public school and I turned out okay, or at least I’d like to think so. The important thing to remember is that no matter what school she goes to, the teachers are there to protect her. The world, now, is a scary place and I just have to put my faith in those individuals that she will be with every day that they will keep her safe.
So, as I watch my little walk off into her 2nd year of school and impatiently wait for her to get out, a little piece of my heart will be missing. They grow so quickly.