I am so very lucky to have some amazing individuals guest post for me. Let me tell ya this one, you guys, are going to LOVE. He is a brilliant writer, a soccer coach and a dad. Go check out his blog at Coach Daddy. Without further ado, please welcome Coach Daddy himself, Eli Pacheco!
Why Parental Texting is a !@#%!
Photo Credit: Francisco Javier Argel – Flickr.com
Kids and their smartphones … don’t get me started. Things were different, back in my day.
When I discussed topics for my guest post with Tammie, I suggested kids and the text phenomenon. Tammie has a few years to reach this milestone. Or should I say test of your holy fortitude.
I get to foster my kids’ journey through technology and communication. To trick them into thinking I will know if they Google something anything racy. Or Snap Chat with the wrong boys.
I get to do this on a mobile screen the size of half a graham cracker with keyboard letters no bigger than chocolate chips.
I get to do this with a possum’s eyesight and fingers not intended by God to tickle ivories, let alone type on smartphones. (I’ll confirm myself as a curmudgeon 17 times in this post. That’s 11 already, I’m sure.)
Forget degree of difficulty. The smartphone text concept (and any typing on smartphones) is flawed. It’s a menace to society. How? Let me count the ways.
Photo Credit: Just Ard – flickr.com
1. Texting rewards kids for coming close
Seriously, try and type something AND GET NEARLY EVERY LETTER WRONG AND THE AUTO CORRECT WILL SAVE YOUR ASS. Unfortunately, it won’t even save one butt cheek during a school spelling test.
Or college application.
Or food stamp application.
This exploited weakness will perplex a kid if she gets on an archaic beast such as a computer keyboard.
My first typewriter was cold and metal and unforgiving. It smelled strongly of typewriter ribbon. It exclaimed every keystroke with a “wham!” It came in a horrifically immobile carrying case the size of an overstuffed raccoon. Roughly.
If I typed something wrong – it was wrong. And it was a job for correction tape. For every.single.letter.
I loved that typewriter. Did I mention that?
Photo Credit: Eric Willis (supereric) – Flickr.com
2. BAE, HBU, and POS (which doesn’t stand for what we thought it did)
As if auto correct and other butt-saving processes weren’t enough, kids have a generation of acronyms. Acronyms aren’t the kids’ invention, of course. Even my parents knew what TCOB meant. (Do you?)
Kids have dumb ones, though. Heard of BAE? My girls use it. It stands for “Before Anyone Else.” I think it’s a term of endearment, and I also think they use it on more than one kid. So everyone can tie for first.
Reminds me of the time I finished tied for second in a handsome contest.
Everyone else tied for first.
(Oh, and HBU means “how ’bout you?” POS is “parent over shoulder,” not “piece of …” well, you know.)
Photo Credit: Mark Nye (Club of Human Beings) – Flickr.com
3. Parental naiveté can be used to your advantage
Parents – dads, especially – aren’t expected to be adept at all this smartphone jive. Or know anything about anything to do with technology or even basic intelligence.
You know how everyone in the courtroom dismisses Matlock as an old, clueless bumpkin? Then, what happens by the end of the episode?
Matlock cracks the case (and the witness) with down-home country charm. Aw, shucks.
With dads, there’s no down-home country charm. All we’re armed with is fatherly cluelessness. When I want the girls to do something other than play on their devices, I tell them, “Tell your friends BBYL.”
Cue the eye rolls and angry glares. Even I know BBYL means absolutely nothing, but ticks them off to satisfying levels for a dad like me.
It might sound cruel. It might feel petty. But it’s just one fight on the great technological battleground all parents must endure.
Dad might struggle to tap a screen to text, but he knows the power of annoyance.
BAE, even.
When he’s not chasing ambulances with his children inside or waxing poetic about frozen fish, Eli Pacheco writes the blog Coach Daddy. Follow him on Google Plus, Pinterest, and Twitter.
The Graying Chronicles 
Pingback: On the Road Again: This Time, at The Graying Chronicles | Coach Daddy
1jaded1
This is hilarious. I’d say embrace it as a sign o’ the times. Spelling in acronyms is optional (and somewhat annoying when done by an old…and I can say that cuz I’m older than you (not U))…;0)
Eli Pacheco
Thanks! I’m just a dad trying to roll with it. Once we’re past 35 or so, I think we’re just all in the same category anyway.
Lyn
I’ve the advantage of having a teenaged granddaughter who is more than willing to educate me in MPS (mobile phone speak). I love texting my fellow senior citizens and annoying the heck out of them 😀
Eli Pacheco
You should teach a course, Lyn. And you know you guys are called Silver Surfers, right?
Lyn
LOL just so long as Spidey doesn’t see me 😀
Tamara Gerber
Oh my goodness, I feel I am just a couple of weeks away from the world of silly acronyms – so I will cherish the time he still sends me those
✈🚗🇺🇸⚽🏆🍔🍟🍕😄❤
PS: BBYL = Bulgarian Backgammon Yahoo League, obviously!
Eli Pacheco
Bulgarians are serious about their backgammon! A post for another day.
You’re still young enough to be in touch … I curse as a attempt to text. Those letters are stinking so tiny.
Janine Huldie
I totally learned how to type also on an old typewriter that was unforgiving and wasn’t allowed correction tape until the 4th quarter that year in school. So, yup totally showing my age and god help me for when my girls get to the texting age, I suppose at the very least! 😉
Eli Pacheco
That’s hardcore, correction tape in the 4th quarter! Remember what a revolutionary invention it was to get an electric typewriter, with the corrective tape inside?? These kids have no idea. Autotext was about as real as Star Trek.
Janine Huldie
I know these kids truly haven’t a clue and that 4th quarter correction tape was indeed hardcore!! 😉
Eli Pacheco
Tammie – Thanks so much for letting me vent here! I’m doing so on a full-sized keyboard, especially helpful because my new glasses haven’t arrived. I can even kind of see the screen!
TammieB
No, thank you Eli! You are welcome here ANYTIME you like! 🙂
Eli Pacheco
It’s comfortable here, and it smells nice. You got something in the oven?
TammieB
Thanks! I got some Glade plugins around. Try to keep it purty. 😉 Nothing specific, but if you’ve got any ideas brewing just let me know. Like I said, you are welcome here whenever you like. 🙂
Eli Pacheco
Thanks Tammie!
Eli Pacheco
I’m having a blast. Just answered some comments.
NotAPunkRocker
I had to start monitoring texts (somewhat) when M got his first girlfriend, only because her mother read every last one of them and then ask me about them. All the romance of “K” and “C Ya”. With predictive text, there is no excuse for any of that!
Now he’s 18 and I just have to remember to tell him to please not sync his Chrome settings across all devices. Ignorance is bliss in this mom’s world.
Eli Pacheco
Maybe technology is dulling their senses for each other. They can always Google Kate Upton and … what boy are they all drooling over these days?
I think you could probably write a post about the Chrome settings dangers. Not that you’d want to.
NotAPunkRocker
Incognito mode makes for a peaceful household.
Eli Pacheco
Completely understood. Completely.
ksbeth
i love the #3 ignorance is bliss approach, eli )
Eli Pacheco
It works in administration and government, so why not?
Kerri
I consider myself lucky that entering 5th grade my girl is THE ONLY ONE without a cell phone or allowed to text anyone ever. I’m hoping I can hold strong through high school.