After hearing from the pediatric anesthesiologist last week and talking with him for 20 minutes, we have decided to go through with the MRI. Like I said before, it’s not the MRI that worries me it’s the anesthesia. That stuff can be potentially dangerous.

As the date approaches closer, July 13th, I can feel my heart dropping into the pit of my stomach and I catch myself tearing up every so often. If I’m alone, I start to cry.

Then why do it if I’m still so very nervous? Well, if my daughter does have a tethered spine, which is what they expect, the repercussions of not waiting until she doesn’t have to be put under are as follows:

1. Leg weakness

2. Loss of bladder control

3. Muscle weakness

4. Back pain

If any of these happen while we are waiting until she is a little older, it is irreversible. They would still be able to snip the thickened filum, which is what causes the tethered spine, but any “side effects” that happen cannot be undone. Like I told a friend, it’s a double edged sword.

On the one hand (decision #1), if we wait until she is 10 to have the MRI completed, meaning no general anesthesia, there is a possibility of the list above happening to her. Then, on the other hand (decision #2), there are the risks of putting your child under. I am constantly reminded of the little 13 year old girl that went in to Children’s Hospital in Oakland (which is about 15 minutes from where I live) for a tonsillectomy.  She has been a in coma ever since and this was about a year or two ago. So, as a parent, which do you choose? Option #1 or Option #2?

As the day approaches, the worse I will be getting. The most difficult thing is hiding your emotions from your child. The last thing you want her to see if the fear and worry you have for her. I asked the pediatric anesthesiologist if they could mix me up a Versed cocktail to get me through the hour or so she will be out. He just laughed at me. I don’t think he took me seriously. No, really dude, I’m gonna be needing one of those cocktails! It doesn’t have to be Versed. Just give me what you got! Too bad we don’t have bars in the lobby like some hospitals in England.

CocktailSquirrel

Even though the guy helped ease my nerves a little bit about general anesthesia, nothing will really ever make me feel “ok” with this whole situation. She’s my baby, I’m suppose to protect, but all of this is just out of my hands. I have absolutely no control and that terrifies me.

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