On September 29th, 2006, my Nanie (mom’s mother) passed away due to complications of colon cancer. On that day, I was suppose to go to Disneyland for my bachelorette party, but stayed home because I knew her time with us was coming to an end. Two weeks later I had to pull it together to attend my own bridal shower and one month after that walk down the aisle, one of the biggest moments of my life, without her physically there.
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about her. She was like a second mother to me. I saw her almost every day. I spent more time at her home than I did my own. She taught me how to cook. (my mom is amazing, but the woman can’t cook, unless it’s Hamburger Helper. No wonder I was so skinny growing up.) I just wanted to take this time to share some of my own memories of the woman who meant so much in my life.
Every Thanksgiving and Christmas I would come down to my Nanie’s house early in the morning to help her prep and cook the big meal for that day. She taught me how to make pie crust from scratch. I could never master her technique on getting the flattened dough into the pie pan. She did it so effortlessly. Me on the other hand, the once perfectly flattened pie crust dough ended up as two horribly deformed versions of some kind of dough that was no longer useable. She laughed each time. To this day I still don’t understand how she did this and I don’t think I ever will. And the one time she had me help her “clean out” the turkey has scarred me for life. I can still hear her fantastically contagious laugh as I stood there, hand in the turkey’s butt, attempting to pull out the innards, while trying not to vomit in the process. She was laughing so hard at me that she could barely tell me what to do. I still refuse to stick my hand up any animal carcase.
My dad made it his purpose to say things to my Nanie that weren’t true, just so he could get the reaction out of her. She was so trusting of what others said and not once, no matter how many times my dad did it, did she not believe him (of course until he started laughing then you would hear “Damn it Bob!”)
I have the BEST picture of my Nanie from this trip. It encompasses her perfectly. This woman HATED water. She disliked getting any kind of wet. So of course we took her on the Grizzly Rapids at California Disney Adventure. All of us piled into the circular raft knowing that she was going to hate this ride, but we all played coy telling her “Oh no, you really don’t get that wet.” Even the attendant played along, to which she replied “If you are lying to me, I’ll come after you.” The attendant just laughed and the raft pulled slowly away from the dock. It was nice and calm and I remember her saying “This is nice”. Then, the first waterfall/rapid hit. The raft timed it perfectly, sliding her right under the waterfall. She yelled and began cussing us all out. We laughed the ENTIRE ride. Each waterfall, rapid dip, water spray was planned so flawlessly that she got it EVERY time. I was sitting directly across from her and took pictures of her laughing hysterically and yelling at us at the same time. When we got back to the dock, the same attendant assisted us out of the raft. She went right after him. All in fun of course.
The Last Time
The doctor came in to talk to my mom, I was with my mom for emotional support. He had just attempted to take what he could of the cancer out, but from what we were told, the cancer had spread so incredibly fast that it was now through to her stomach and spreading to her lungs. He was very to the point and said, “I’m sorry, but there isn’t much I can do. It is spreading so fast that she doesn’t have much longer.” I remember I went to the ICU with my mom the next morning to see her. She had the breathing tube still in her throat and I remember her trying to use her hands to speak, asking if they had gotten it all. We were all trying to tell her to calm down and just relax, none of us wanting to tell her the truth. She looked at me, knowing I would let her know something. I just looked at her and smiled, trying to fight back tears. At that moment she knew. She calmed down and laid back in her hospital bed. My mom left the room, not being able to handle it anymore. I stayed back, trying to comfort my Nanie. I remember brushing her hair and holding her hand telling her to get some rest and that everything would be okay. She looked at me and then closed her eyes. The next night, she passed. I’m not sure if at that moment she knew and slipped into a coma, but I was the last person to see those beautiful, loving eyes. It is something that I will never forget. I’m hoping that I was able to give her some kind of peace.
Writing, talking about all of this is just as painful and heartbreaking as the day it happened. I don’t think it ever gets any easier, you just become better at distracting yourself for a moment and moving on.
Nanie, I love you and miss you every single day of my life. I wish more than anything that you could have met Emily. I am thankful that you made that baby blanket for me before you got sick so that my unknown child at that time would have something from you “just in case you weren’t around”. It was the blanket I brought Emily home in and it still has a special spot in her closet in her room. And you can believe, if I ever have another child, they too will be brought home in that blanket.
So I saw a blog done by OldDogNewTits, which inspired this one. ODNT did this blog in regards to a writing prompt from MamaKat. I thought it was a really cool idea and thought “hey, why don’t I take a crack at it.” So here we go. This was my Saturday.
Almost 8am…this is late for me. I’m usually up around 6am, but we’ve ALL spent the past week sick, so I deserve this.
9am…Kid is eating raisin bread and juice. Me, well, this is my breakfast. I shouldn’t be eating this, but right now I don’t really care.
10am…Anyone remember these? Yep, that’s right. This mama is about to suck some snot.
11am…Time to get the kid ready for her dance class. It’s costume parade day.
12pm…Dance class time. They are ALL so freakin’ adorable!
1pm…Dance class ran a little bit over due to mass chaos with children and costumes.
2pm…This kiddo is tired. Time for this mom to take a nap as well. (take it when you can get it)
3pm…Late lunch and it was delicious!
4pm…Time to get the dirty work done. Germs be gone!
5pm…Time for Buddy to strike his “You Can’t Resist” pose.
7pm…Dinner is done. It’s my left boob’s birthday! What? Your boobs don’t have individual birthdays? According to Em, today was lefty’s turn.
8pm…time to get some more housework done while hubs gives munchkin a bath. A mama’s work is never done.
9pm…Kid in bed, hubs watching that Illegal Moonshine show, which I don’t understand how it works. It’s illegal, yet someone is documenting the whole thing and they are documenting a sheriff trying to take down the operation. I’m sorry, isn’t the filming crew aiding and abetting? Anyway, time to get some research done.
10pm (ish)…I’m tired. This mom is going to bed.
Em will be turning 4 in 2 weeks! Where the heck has time gone? I feel like I just had her!
In honor of my baby getting older, I thought I would share some cringe worthy moments this momma has had from some comments my child has said over the past few years.
1. In a store, standing in line to pay for groceries and Em points and says “Mama, that person is brown!” Mind you, my child does not have volume control and the person she was pointing to was at another checker line. There were snickers and glares from everyone around. At that moment I wished I was a turtle so I had some kind of shell to curl up into.
2. My child’s response to her father’s discipline. “Oh yeah, well you’re as A**hole!” This is the day I learned that I really do have a drunken sailor’s mouth and that I really do need to edit myself, A LOT. Parent of the Year award, right here!
3. Em was at dance class and she blurts out to her teacher and the rest of the class “My dad farts a lot!” Ok, maybe this wasn’t my cringe worthy moment, but it was my husbands. I actually found it pretty amusing.
4. At Target shopping and we pass the underwear section and my child yells, “Mama! Those are booby holders. You need more of those cuz your boobies are jiggly.” Remember, this child has no volume control.
5. The one to end my list (for now). We were at a friend’s house visiting. They have a little boy who is about 6 months younger than Em. The kids were playing around in the sprinkler and we yelled for them to come inside to get changed so that we could go for lunch. Hubs, being the modest one for our daughter, wraps a towel around her to get her changed. The little boy, on the other hand strips down to nothing and runs around the house. Em confronts him, points to his (cough) little man-hood and says “He has a sticking out whooha. If this wasn’t bad enough, she also tried to touch it. I don’t think I have ever moved that fast.
I know that this is just the beginning of many many more cringe worthy moments. Oh to be a parent.
This post is in response to a writing prompt for Mama Kat’s blog: Mama’s Losin It
While I was on an important phone call, my child decided to do this to my hair (ignore the blindingness of the gray hairs)
Yeah, that’s a charm bracelet stuck in my hair.
Just because you can’t see it
Doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist
Just because it’s not tangible
Doesn’t mean it’s an illusion
Dreams aren’t just dreams
They are a compass for your soul
Listen to those dreams
Listen to your heart
Follow those dreams
Follow your heart
One day you may find yourself
Playing in that beautiful pot of gold
At the end of that dream rainbow
You believed in something
That you didn’t think could exist
You believed in yourself
Why the hell is it that I always seem to get the worst of every cold presented in this household?!? Hubs catches it, he’s fine within a few days. Kid gets it (this is where this despicable germ came from) and she’s RUNNING around the house with a congested nose and a fever. Me, I lost my voice yesterday, coughed ALL night last night and today it’s that wonderful feeling of body aches and feeling like your flesh is going to sleek its way off your body.
There is just something about kid germs that make the strongest person want to curl up in the corner and die! Unfortunately, since my daughter just started preschool, this is just the first of many cold storms that will be flying through this house and I get the joy of most likely catching every single one of them. Woohoo! Stay tuned for more whining!
I love this time of month when I get to have a play date with Michele and Mel, our lovely hostess for bi-monthly Ketchup.
So this time:
In 57 words or less … if you could reenact a scene from any movie, what would it be?
When I was 14 I saw a movie that to this day is still a favorite of mine. Only You starring Robert Downey Jr. (um…pure hotness! and a talented actor) and Marisa Tomei. The scene I would love to re-enact is one of the beginning scenes. Faith (Tomei) is a school teacher and hopeless romantic and honestly, in more than one way, I am a lot like this character. I love her explanation in this scene.